Dooms, dooms, everywhere dooms
Hello my lovelies! Bring your eyes to this blog, and send your ears to the podcast! Today we are discussing ART, and of course this necessitates a bit of visual stimulation. The art in question is dooms, or as they are more commonly known in this day and age, Last Judgement paintings. Now that I’m aware of it, I much prefer the archaic terminology so will be lobbying strongly and insistently among the hoi polloi of the art world for the return of doom.
Our first doom, as discussed in mini Stranger no. 5, is Michelangelo’s Last Judgement. This magnificent painting can be found adorning the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican and is widely considered to be one of the finest achievements in the history of Western art. In my great wisdom, I see fit to deem this outstanding example of the craft to be ‘too blue.’ A bit rogue, I’ll admit it.
But… look at it. It is really blue, no one can deny that. Too much sky, not enough torments of hell for this doom lover. Nice job on the trompe l’oeil ceiling though, Michelangelo!
Fra Angelico has done a much better job of depicting terrifying human suffering in his Last Judgement, originally painted for the church of Santa Maria degli Angeli and now in the San Marco museum in Florence. Observe the horrors of Hell as the devil’s minions jab the wicked with pointy sticks and stir them up in a giant cauldron! And look at that absolute rotter, Satan himself, stuffing his mouth with the souls of the damned in a frenzy of gluttonous glee! It’s scary stuff, enough to put anyone off the bad sins and the fun sins alike.
The Wenhaston Doom, artist unknown, is much more humble in scale and scope than the works of either Italian Renaissance master. Not quite so boastful, we might say. More provincial. Painted on wooden panels, the surviving parts of this Last Judgement have been reinstalled in the church of St Peters in Wenhaston, Suffolk, although they can now be seen on one of the church’s side walls rather than in their original position on the altar wall. The sharp-eyed among you will notice the bare wood in the centre and at each side, where the Great Rood (another satisfying ‘oo’ word) and flanking figures would have been positioned before the agents of the Reformation deemed them obscene and ripped them down. And while they were at it, those same agents whitewashed right over the procession of clergy and royalty just waiting for their free pass into Heaven. What a cheek. Observe also Jesus at top left, honouring Pride month by sitting on a big rainbow and leaning forward to give everyone a loving hug. Delightful!
But what’s this on the right? Pah rah pah raaaahhhhh! It’s time to gather up the souls using this special snakey trumpet and usher them all into the Hell mouth. You there, at the back, keep up! No dawdling around please, we’ve got an eternity of torture and punishment to get through!
So say the demons of the Wenhaston doom, who exude an air of world-weariness and efficiency. They’ve seen it all before - wretched figures like these are ten a penny down in Hades. I wonder what would be worse: to be tormented for the rest of time by a cackling sadist who relishes your misery, or an indifferent jobsworth who can barely muster a chuckle as they feed you into the gaping maw of Satan? At least in the first scenario someone’s having fun. I love these demons, especially the little fellow at the front who stares out at us, breaking the forth wall as if to say, see you soon you poor fools! We’ll be waiting!
There we have it. Dooms were designed to show the startling contrast between Heaven and Hell and invite each viewer to make their choice. Kindly angel and Jesus on a rainbow, or pointy sticks and self-cannibalism? The choice is yours. See you next time for more tales of mystery and madness!